In order to succeed we always have to risk failure. And the truth is that we all fail from time to time; an exam, a diet, a relationship, a game, a recipe, you name it. Though failing an exam can trigger an array of emotions for most of us: sadness, disappointment, embarrassment, anger, confusion, shame, regret, to name a few. It is something you can cope with eaily with the correct plan of action.
What you need to remember is that how we cope with failure is equally as important as how we deal with success. Both offer valuable lessons and both can be handled well or poorly. Also, please remember that failing an exam, or anything else, is not the same thing as “being a failure”.
The first is about something you did poorly at one single moment in time. The latter is about labeling your entire self as failing at life. When we get emotional, it can be easy to get the two confused, but they are dramatically different things. Here are a few productive ideas for coping with a failed exam.
Here are some tips to help you cope with failing an exam quickly and effectively.
- You are not alone. Know that everyone has experienced failures. Some may have had problems with exams and others had issues in other areas of their life. Some people have not experienced a major life challenge yet but will do so in the future. The point is that failure is just a part of being human. If you can relate to this, trust us we’ve all been in your shoes in one way or the other.
- Deal with your emotions. Try to identify correctly which emotions you are feeling. Shame, regret, disappointment, anger, frustration, confusion? Taking time to recognize how you are feeling will better enable you to work through them.
- Take responsibility for your failure. When you face failure, your initial reaction might be to blame others or some external factor for your setback. It’s important to understand that while others may have had an impact on the result, your failure is never the sole responsibility of someone else. Until you take personal responsibility for your parts in the failure, you will never be able to move forward successfully.
- Don’t internalize the failure. Separate the failure from who you are. Just because you flunked an exam doesn’t mean you are a failure. When you start internalizing your failure as part of your identity, it hurts your self-esteem and self-confidence. Do not let your failure define you.
- Tell yourself this is temporary. Reacting to a failed test in a big way is easy. Keep in mind that even the most important exams are just one small aspect of your life. Your emotional well-being is more important than these exams. Don’t allow a single grade to cloud your mood for too long.
- Prevent yourself from slipping into depression. It’s natural to feel depressed over a setback, but it should not last for a long time. If you find you’re not eating or sleeping properly, you’re losing or gaining weight, or feeling low all the time, speak to a social worker, psychologist, parent, or friend. Sometimes we all need support from people who care about us.
- Identify negative thoughts. When you fail at something, you might tend to beat yourself up and get into negative self-labeling. Try to identify such negative thoughts like ‘I am a loser,’ or ‘I don’t think I will be able to come back from this.’ Negative thought patterns can stop you from learning from the failure, turning that learning into a positive approach, and moving forward.
- Use positive affirmations. When you notice negative thoughts arising, start questioning them. Ask yourself, ‘Is it true? Does this failure make me a loser?’ Use positive affirmations to help you get past the negative thoughts. Write down positive messages like, ‘This failure brings me closer to success, as I have gained knowledge from this experience,’ or ‘I know I am capable of getting over it.’ Put your notes somewhere easily visible. You can also say the positive affirmations aloud to yourself.
- Learn from your failure. Judging yourself harshly won’t help you score better on your next test. When a failure occurs, the wisest thing to do is to dissect it and determine the causes. Look at it analytically to cope with failing an exam. Why did you fail? What might have produced a better result? What could you learn from this so that it doesn’t happen again? Learn from your mistakes and move on.
- Stop dwelling on it. Obsessing over your failure will not change the outcome. On the contrary, it will drive you to slip into an emotional doom and stop you from moving forward. You cannot change the past, but you can shape your future. Taking a step forward will help you quickly leave behind the debilitating thoughts and move on with your life.
- Let go of what you cannot control. You need to understand that certain things are not in your control. Find the courage to let go of them.
- Release the need for approval from others. Often, people fear failure because they are afraid of being judged and losing others’ respect. Be realistic. Don’t let the expectations of people around you bear down on you. Do not give power to other people’s opinions. Pressure to perform can cause unnecessary stress and affect your results. It can damage your self-esteem and confidence, undermining your ability to succeed.
- Look at inspirational role models. Everyone faces failure at some point in life. When you look at successful people, you see their success. You don’t usually know the struggles and hardships they might have gone through or the setbacks they faced in the process. Remember, you are not the only person struggling in life. Take inspiration from people who have used failure as a stepping stone to success. Pick your favorite athlete, celebrity, or business leader and research their life story. It is almost guaranteed you will find moments of failure there.
- Weigh your options. After your stint with failure, take a step back and weigh your options. Check if there is a possibility that you could retake the exam. If not, use your time preparing yourself for the next test, instead of worrying about the last one. Also, work on other areas that will help you bring your grades up. Explore all the options available to you before making a rash decision.
- Review your study methods. Bad or undesired results means it may be time to take a serious look at your studying techniques. Change your study pattern and concentrate more on areas where you are weak. Don’t compare yourself to your friends or anyone else.
- Write a journal. Keep a journal. Write down or reflect on everything that happened – what caused it, what you did wrong, and what you can do about it or could have done instead. The next time you encounter a similar problem, you can refer to your journal. Refrain from blaming or judging yourself, just state the facts.
- Talk it out. When you suffer a setback, you might regress into a shell and bottle up all your emotions. Instead, talk it out with your family and friends to cope with failing an exam. They may be able to lend you a helping hand and show you where you went wrong. Their support will help you get through tough times. You can also find support from students in the same situation through online communities and forums. Remember that failure is not the end of the world. It is one of the many hurdles in your life that you will have to learn to surpass. Don’t let failure stop you from achieving your dreams.
- Meditate. Meditation will help you focus on the present and clear your mind. It enables you to focus on the positive aspects of your life.
- Enjoy simple pleasures. One way to relax and de-stress is to indulge in simple pleasures like taking a walk amidst nature in the early morning, watching the sunrise and sunset, or enjoying reading a book on the beach. These simple pleasures can help you to shift out of your feelings of failure and set you in a more positive mindset.
- Have fun and laugh. Taking a break from all the negative thinking will help you reset your mind and focus on what’s important in life. Hang out with friends who make you feel happy. Be around positive people who are supportive and helpful. Take a trip to a retreat or get out of town with your family. A change in environment will help divert your mind, and laughter goes a long way to heal emotional pain.
- Try your hand at something creative. Enroll in a hobby class or learn a new skill. It will help you divert your mind, and learning something new can make you feel confident and boost your self-esteem.
- Bounce back. Once you have made peace with your failure and weighed your options, your next step should be to get back into the real world. Focus on the future and think about ways to get it right the next time. Don’t allow the failure to keep you down.
- Show gratitude to your supporters. Even during difficult times, treat others with respect. Thank your family, friends, and mentors for their help and support. Your result does not lessen their efforts or your own.
- Share your journey with others. Although it may not happen right away, gradually try sharing your story of failure with others. When you find an opportunity, inspire people and strengthen their ability to cope with failure by sharing your story.
- Stay ambitious. Don’t give up your hopes and dreams or lower the bar for your achievement. Over time, your failure will likely become a distant memory. Keep pushing forward.
Have courage and find strength from overcoming your failure and moving on.
Ftce test is giving me trouble. Failed the reading and english skills sections today again. Its 150 bucks everytime you take it. Its hard when your trying to teach and study. Plus they dont tell you exactly what is on the test.
Dear Dad74
We understand what you are going through. The moment you think of giving up on something, remember why you had held on to it for so long. It might be a testing time, but its the time you are about to witness a miracle. Just stay calm and focused.
Take some time off from teaching, prepare thoroughly for your test and go for a re-attempt. You can never exactly know what is coming up in the test, best is to take tips from your past attempts and prepare for it accordingly.
Hope we were able to help.
My confession
I m just a simple guy yeah its true i fail i m not regretting for my failure i m regretting for doing such a failure jobs that i dont even know…….
Now my situation is i cant forget that failure jobs its just like a obsession i m trying to forget that but i cant…… i did very bad with me ………..
I just failed getting a 6-months scholarship. I have failed to make my parents proud and reduce their financial troubles. I feel so lost.
Hi Ara
Please do not beat yourself up. We understand that it really hurts when you fail and you begin to doubt your existence and purpose in life.
But this the moment that makes you or breaks, if you just stay strong, focus on the areas where you lacked, seek help from others and work towards your goal again; nothing can stop you from achieving what you aim for.
I know it is easy to guide someone than to implement it yourself. But the truth is your attitude towards the problem is the only solution here. Just think “If XYZ can do it, why can’t I ?”
Hope this helps you! Just buckle up with double the efforts, check where you went wrong, and with the correct attitude, you will achieve great heights.
I feel bad for myself. I’m in my examination week and in one of my paper, I failed.now I can’t study for the rest, I feel like i’m a total disgrace to myself, parent and everyone looking up to me for a better class.
Hi Efua
See, I would like to explain things here in simpler terms. For example, if you are cooking and one of your dishes does not turn out to be perfect, what do you do? Do you spoil the other dishes as well or work even harder to make the rest of the items to the best of your capabilities. The choice is yours.
If you have not performed well in one of the exams, have the attitude that “I will make up for it with the rest of the exams.” It is best to not let this affect your other exams and self-worth.
Hope this helps
I recently took an english exam and I was really disappointed on how I perform on two parts of it.Although I know that I can’t do anything about it because it’s already finish. I can’t still help to beat myself up for I know I come unprepared. I believe that if I just focus and practice on it,things should not come out this way.I hate myself for not doing everything I could.😢
Hi Jane
You the answers to your problem and that is the best part. People usually don’t know what went wrong or where did they lack. You just need to work on particular sections and with practice, you will succeed.
Hope this helps!!
I have shortly received my result of kcse and my grade is too low to achieve what I wanted have scored B- and yet I wanted to study medicine and now am unable to pursue my dream.
Hi Abdul Latif
Don’t be disheartened and face your fears. I am sure you are worth it and you didn’t give it your 100%.
Try to accept your emotions and work hard again to achieve what you wanted to. Learn from your mistakes and stay focused and look out for yourself. If you absolutely love something, just work hard and nobody can stop you.
I’m in 5th semester of BS mathematics and my situation in this semester is like a guy drowning into the river and he doesn’t know how to swim, and I want a Ph.D. in mathematics. how can I overcome with this situation?
Hi Sohaib
Thanks for writing to us.
Firstly, the most important thing here is not to give up. Stay focussed and realize where is the problem.
There is no problem in the world that cannot be fixed with the correct measures and attitude.
Just work harder and secondly, think practically with an open mind. This is not to dishearten you or second guess your abilities. All we wish to say is that sometimes we need to give ourselves a second chance keeping in mind other options as well.
For instance, you want your Ph.D. in Maths, if you enjoy the subject, then there nothing that can stop you. Just work harder and don’t repeat the same mistakes.
And if you are planning to pursue it due to parental pressure or anything, and actually you never wanted this. In that case, go ahead with what you like and enjoy and we are sure you will succeed.
I am so bummed and so mad at myself. In university Mathematical Analysis is my strong suit and I scored almost perfectly on midterm exam but I just failed miserably the actual exam. It’s so funny how confident I was that I am so smart in math and I can help everyone study. I know everybody expected from me 100% and I failed not just myself. Yes, I can take the retake but usually they are way harder than the exam that I already studied a lot. I am afraid I will fail the retake and I will have to study this subject for the next year and pay a lot of money that I do not have. This article already helped me so much to accept that I am not a failure and life just goes on. Thank you so much.
Hey Sunshine
Don’t get disheartened. A little too much confidence sometimes backfires. But it is okay. Now that you know where you made a mistake, just let it go and work towards your goal with dedication and perseverance.
We know that you’ll do great in the retake.
All the very best for it!!
I failed two exams of ACCA,I am so stressed. The cost is just too much, i thought i had put my all in it and was confident i will make it. Its really stressing me out, my plans are falling apart now………………
I failed my last examination in school which was my only chance. I worked really hard and prayed. Now Im more than lost. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wanted to make my parents proud. I have failed myself.
I have received my result of jee and my marks is too low to clear the examination cut off , i failed to make my parents feel proud and i also wont be able to pursue my engineering in iit . I am very stressed. I failed myself.
I’m a uni CS student. I just learned that I failed my programming class. We had to read 2 pages long task and write Java code on paper. Literally in my life I haven’t been able to remember my address, ANY phone number or birthday of anyone. I read suer slowly and I have to reread the task many times to understand it. I also write super slowly and messy. In the exam I’m expected to remember all the programming functions by haerth and write a functioning code for 90 min… I made about 50 projects at home and I’m one of the best programmers on a real PC. I cannot learn by hearth pretty much anything. My uni does NOT offer any accomodations at all, let alone for dyslexia. When I retake the exam the requirement is going to be about 3 times harder to pass. What should I do?
Hi Dobri
We are sorry for what you are going through. But I can make out that your basic problem lies in not being able to by-heart anything. It is okay because you have a great understanding of your subject and are able to run projects on your system perfectly. I guess in the long run this knowledge of yours is what matters.
As for the exam, as it is necessary to pass them, I have two tips for you.
Firstly, try to remember the codes by building a story around them. I mean learn them the unusual way correlating it something or the other.
Secondly, while writing your exam, make sure you present your paper neatly. Maybe your handwriting is not good, at least write neatly for the examiner to understand what you have written. Assume the paper to be your computer screen and write as if you would do on your system.
I hope this helps!!!
Thank you! I retook the programming exam and got a B !!!
Hey Dobri
We are so happy for you!!!
Thank you! Later I found a job after many interviews! They wanted me to write Java code on a real system. I skipped the internship and went straight to junior programmer with C#!
Two mounts so far and I love it! It’s a half time position during the semesters and full time during the summer, so I will still continue my studies alongside!
Failing the exam the first time helped me get a slightly better understanding of Java.
Failing many job interviews after that helped me become really calm when meeting new people.
I realized it might have seemed like a failure back then. But now it is just a story to tell and a jorney that shaped my resilience and confidence!
Thanks!
Hey! I’m from India and recently I had been giving my board exams of class 10, which do mean a lot in a student’s life and play an encouraging or even discouraging role in shaping a student’s future. I had always passes my exams with flying colors and also had name in the toppers of the school. But unfortunately everything seemed to be passing away when I came into 10th. Everyone said that its the time when a child can shape his future or destroy it. Maybe it had been my overconfidence that reduced giving my time in studies and eventually thought that I can pass the exams even by studying in last months. But I didn’t knew that it would have been my extreme mistake. I had wasted my whole year hanging out and busying myself with non-essential stuff. But it came out in ruining me. My mom, who had been my wing-woman, noticed this sudden change in my behaviour and mentality as well and had already warned me that this would only result in my own setback. And unfortunately the same happened.. It was my pre-board (preparatory exams before final exams) and it was where I came to realize that What.I.Had.Actually.Become..
And it wasn’t me. The day I came home after the results, in which I had scored very less than recent years where I had never fell down 90%, I came to realize that my parents were right..right about me falling down. Yes, I was extremely sad after the realizing the real present I had been ignoring from long.
So, I decided that I hadn’t lost anything yet, final exams are still remaining and I was sure that I will balance out till then. So, the remaining two months,before finals, I spent it in studying thoroughly and catching up on the syllabus…
Finally, my final exams came and I was prepared for it. They started from 5.03.2019, which isn’t too far from today. My first exam went very well and my second exam was of mathematics. We had only one day to prepare before the exam which was on 7.03.2019. I raised my all skills and mentality to the edge and I believe I was really ready for the battlefield. On the day of exam, when we were all seated in the exam hall, many things were coming into my mind and that my whole year as well as the future is in my hands and for my family I had to give my best. When question papers were distributed, which was a stack of 6-7 pages, I suddenly got nervous. Solving 30 questions in 3 hours isn’t going to be easy…
But this nervousness grew too much in the end and I’m afraid that right now I can still feel that disappointment when I had to solve 10 questions in 30 minutes, each one of worth 4 marks. I felt that “That’s the end”..”I have disappointed myself”.. I came home.
At the bus stop my dad asked me about my exam..And my only answer was “I have attempted every question, but I don’t know which might give me marks”. He soon got that I wasn’t impressed with myself, so he didn’t say anything. When I reached home, mom was ironing the clothes and she too asked me about my exam, but seeing only my face she knew my reply.
My Mathematics exam was tomorrow and I’m now righting MY experience. Believe me, the last night, I had cried a lot, a lot. I was depressed that I had failed myself, my family and I was moreover said that I actually knew that this might happen.Seriously I prepared my best, but y couldn’t I just put that preparation exams. I had lost my confidence last night. You know, my mom knew that I was crying all night, and she hadn’t slept well herself. I could see it on her face today.
I know my mom and dad are best, and yesterday they tried to cheer me up and encourage me at their best.
But now I have realized that I AM the one who could change my own destiny, and future. Whoever reading is right now I request him or her to feel me and please take lesson from it..because I know after failure it feels like hell!
Hey Dhanju
We completely understand your situation. First of all, you need to to be thankful for such a supportive family. Whatever the result may be, we sincerely hope you score well. And, in case you do not score as much as you are expecting, just keep in mind these grades do not define your self worth or your success in life.
Stay motivated and remember this is just the beginning, you have so much left to achieve. Don’t let petty things distract you.
Hope we were able to help!!!!